I'm Home

The subject says it all. Call me. It's been less than 24 hours, but i'm marginally bored.

Woo College!!!
Woo Beachweek!!!

Ask. You will get many an interesting story about anything. From cooking to cleaning, from sober to intoxicated, from sexual to chaste, from exciting to boring. Anything you want you can have. Except for heroine.

In Response to the Real World:

FUCK YOU.

That's right. I said it. What now!?

Since 2 hours before I left my internship on my last day last summer, I have been guaranteed a spot back there this summer, so said my boss and my boss's boss, both of whom talked about my returning this summer as fact, saying such things like "and when you're here next summer...". So why is it that today the HR department calls me to say that they have decided to fill my spot with some schmuck in some intern program through some facocta school. Honestly, it's kind of a dick thing to do to be led on by my boss throughout the entire school year with promises of returning to a well paying job that runs 9-5, monday through friday. Because not only is that about five thousand dollars I no longer have coming to me this summer, I haven't applied to other jobs because this was guaranteed me. I was told that I wouldn't be returning about 15 minutes ago. What the fuck. I even took a computer science class this semester so that i'd be able to do my job better at the law firm this summer. That really sucks. And to make matters worse, my bank account thirsts for currency and the desert stretches for miles. This is far from good. Anyone have any ideas?

In response to David

Yes. I've sort of given up on the blog, except for hither, thither and yon. Some people find it a fun procrastination tool to read this, so why not fuel their unproductivity? I'm fueling mine by writing this. Hooray college!

I hate eggs

Enough said. My housemates and I hosted a party for an organization we're in. It was a closed party. Some people got bounced because they weren't in the organization. They got pissed off and tried egging the house, but missed and managed to hit people in the front yard instead.

1. it says something about the shmucks egging the house if they can't hit a building with an egg.
2. what loser gets so pissed about being bounced from a party that they (it was a car full of people) go to a store, buy eggs, and come back to egg the house rather than go and find a different party to crash? They are due for a meeting with my friend, "the front bumper of John's car". Yeah, take that.

I just saved over $1000 this summer by getting a subletter. Go me. Yeah money. I think i'm going to open a bank.

Matt

Where have I been!?

College... Europe... more college... yeah...

Who left me the comment that told me to update more and signed it "A fan?" because you should email me. You must be an awesome person if you're interested in my life. Seriously.

Women suck. Men suck harder. My housemate needs a slow, painful near-death experience for being an egocentric fuckhead. Although the tables have turned on him, and it has nothing to do with anything i've done. And it feels great. SHAUDENFREUDE!!!

Is this update satisfactory?

Running "Away"

This was my most recent away message. I decided to run. It explains itself.

I'm morbidly scared of running, but my my mother has one car and the other one's in the shop so i can't swim. And I need to do something so it looks like running is the solution. But I'm off put by the stigma associated with it courtesy of middle school physical education. So here goes. Maybe i'll see if i can run for 20 minutes. And if I can, all the power to me. And if not, that really sucks and i'm pathetic. I should hope that i can because i can swim for over an hour non-stop, and swimming is just as hard, although in a different way... Oh, and if you've read this far, kudos to you for being hopelessly bored. Try porn, it kills time.

"Holy Moses Superstar" and the "The 12 Disciples: The Movie"

First, a shout-out is due to one Philippe Garcesto and one Mike Patierno (is this how you spell your last name? you probably don't read it anyway, so who cares...?) for their spectacularly awesome production of "Jesus Christ Superstar: Return of the Angsty Jesus-Smash". It was good. I enjoyed it.

And kudos to mike for sporting eye-liner like a crack whore from 10th Avenue.

Bowling

So today Shearman & Sterling LLP treated the interns to an afternoon (3 hours) of bowling at an awesome bowling alley right off of Union Square in the city. So we got the afternoon off of work but got paid for the time anyway. Kick ass in every way. So I went bowling for free with Jacob Bartholomew and a bunch of other guys. We passed a poster from Princess Diaries 2 which Jacob immediately smashed. Then he asked me what i thought and i decided it looked good enough to be seen. Plus, my cavalier friends are peer-pressuring me into being marginally obsessed with Julie Andrews. It's clearly no question. I will see it. NOW.

So we got there and as we were putting on our shoes the waitress (and bartender, there was a full bar) came over and asked if we wanted anything to drink. I figured she was the bartender, so she'd know what i was asking for. I asked for an Electric Lemonade. She said "I'm sorry, but i don't know how to make that. What're the ingredients?" to which I said "Vodka, Gin, Rum, Tequila, Blue Curacao, Sour Mix, Seven Up" and she said "Oh, ok, i'll have it for you in a minute". And I promptly told her i was just kidding and that I was underage (which prompted jacob to hit me because i'd just ordered a heavily alcoholic drink that would be paid for by my employer). But I could have been fired had I been caught (I signed a contract saying i wouldn't drink on the job), I could have cost the bartender her job and her liscense to serve, and i could have cost the establishment their liscense to serve had i been caught drinking their drink. Plus, i'm an honest kid.

And then i kicked jacob's ass twice in bowling, and he came back the third time after i got bored and beat me by some 10 points. It was fun. Plus the food was free.

And i like to swim. It's relaxing as hell, and good exercise. But my eyes occasionally sting for the entire evening afterwards from the chlorine. Like right now. Damn it.